It is a fascinating discovery you’ve made. I never really thought about it in such simple terms, but it’s true that women are screening for “keepers” and chivalry is part of that screening process. It also fits in with Rori’s advice about allowing men to do these things and to “accept” them is to be feminine. A lot of Rori’s tools are actually about screening out the men looking for a quick sexual connection.

“I think with the women who have lower self-esteem its not so much an “expectation” as it is a dream (correct me if I’m wrong based on your experience). ”

This makes complete sense. And overall you two filled all the gaps of my experiement. So thanks for that

Hope you two had a good halloween

This had me chuckling..
“You need to do it from a place of not wanting anything in return for acting this way. You have to do it because you really want to do it for yourself not for anybody else. But pay attention to your feelings.”

You are sounding more and more like Rori everyday LOL.
I don’t know if I would call it chivalry though. Doing these little things (or not so little) show that you care, are paying attention to the woman; it’s a recognition of her as a person which from what I hear is STILL sorely lacking in the dating world.
I was flustered and most pleasantly surprised when K behaved this way with me from the beginning, and it continues. (except for ordering for me which I’m totally fine with. Prefer it actually.)
That it now takes you longer to move things along is coming from both of you. Not only is she looking at you as more than a fling, YOU in your demonstration of respect, FEEL differently about her too, unconsciously up until now. She becomes more than to you, something more than sex but a real live feeling being. You are getting this aren’t you?
You’re a great guy. Love that you are bringing up subtleties that really are not so.
xxoo

I can tell you the reason you found it a little harder to move it into the bedroom was pretty much nailed when you said:

“there was such a strong connection that they didn’t want to screw it up by having sex and me potentially losing interest before I invested myself a little more”

Guys who display chivalry are potential keepers from the get go. Guys who don’t are generally there to satisfy a physical need or for just good company (which of course can turn into more at some point). We ladies like to hold back just a little (or a lot…lol) for those men who have potential. It is so easy to lose a chance at getting to know someone better when you jump into bed with them right away. We don’t like losing that chance with men who are attractive in ways that go beyond physical.

“At first I thought chivalry was only expected by women that had a much higher level of self-esteem. I don’t think that is the case anymore as I saw both here. I need to examine this a little more.”

I think with the women who have lower self-esteem its not so much an “expectation” as it is a dream (correct me if I’m wrong based on your experience). We all (low or high self-esteem) want to be treated like ladies…we want chivalry…we want a man to be a man and take control of situations even if it is in small ways (like holding doors and pushing elevator buttons). Most of us don’t get to a place where we “expect” it, but we are almost all in a place where we love it and/or want it in our lives! Personally, I’m at a place where I expect it in some areas (like opening doors for example…umm…to the point where I will stop at a door and unconsciously wait for a man to open it. we can blame J for that bit of self-centeredness… – but I ALWAYS say “thank you”… It actually gets embarrassing sometimes…especially when the other person I’m walking with happens to be my sister who is also waiting for the door to be opened…) but it other ways, it catches me totally off guard…almost always in a good way.

I remember the first time J ordered for me in a restaurant. The independent side of me wondered what in the heck he was doing (and there’s the balance you guys have to find – don’t take away her independence when you’re busy treating her like a lady)…the feminine side of me had a heart that was melting. We ladies need to find that balance as well. At work, if I’m the first to the door, I open it no matter who else is there (and I’m totally shocked and caught off guard when a man insists on holding it open for me) and it never bothers me at all. When I’m not at work and I’m at say a restaurant and a guy lets me hold the door (or worse…pauses and waits for ME to open it) I am immediately turned off. J has a way of bringing out the feminine in me (which is cool ) )…I don’t know…I guess its all a matter of personal taste, doing what feels right, and finding a partner that fits that balance with you.

Again…excellent topic. I hope you keep opening those doors…

Much Love,
Mercedes